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1) Don’t tell my kids that a watermelon will grow in their tummies if they swallow watermelon seeds.

2) Don’t point at a pregnant lady and tell my kids, “See?  She swallowed watermelon seeds.”

3) Don’t fill the bedroom closet with sticky Halloween cobwebs and tell SuperDad we have a spider problem.

4) Don’t put a blue streak in my hair and tell people I’m starting to feel blue.

5) Don’t sit in a public place — the library, a park, the mall — and practice knitting, without any yarn.

6) Don’t tell the kids that dinosaurs no longer exist because Grandma chopped them up and put them in the stew.

7) Don’t put yogurt in the kitchen soap dispenser.

8) . . . or in the lotion pump.

9) . . . or in the shampoo bottle.

10) Don’t announce on Facebook that we bought a new family vehicle, and attach close-up pictures of a Tonka Truck.