I’m switching roles with the Geeklets today.
Today, I’m going to wake the Geeklets up before it’s even light out by jumping on the bed while singing “We will, we will rock you!” over and over at the top of my lungs. The Geeklets will stay in bed and pretend to sleep for as long as possible while I tear my bedroom apart and throw toys at SuperDad.
The Geeklets will finally get up and quietly dress themselves, clean their rooms, make their beds, put the coffee on, and get breakfast on the table, while I run around the house in my pajamas reciting Disney and Pixar animated movie lines, drawing beautiful pictures with crayons on the walls, and scattering Legos and Transformer pieces in my wake.
At breakfast, I will eat three Cheerios before dumping the rest on the floor. Then, I will crawl around under the table biting the Geeklets’ ankles while crushing my Cheerios into a fine powder.
The Geeklets will clean up after breakfast while I get dressed in a long-sleeved shirt (even though it’s summer and we live in Texas), shorts, and mis-matched socks. During the process I will empty out the entire contents of my closet and leave it strewn around my room.The Geeklets will re-fold my clothes and put them away.
All day long, I will empty out toy boxes, spill puzzles on the floor and kick the pieces under the furniture, get bubblegum in my hair, leave the water running in the bathroom sink, throw stuff at the ceiling fans, taste-test the dog food, climb the shelves in the fridge to get the milk, spill the milk, knock the vase over and pull all the petals off the flowers, and dance on the kitchen table while the Geeklets follow me around cleaning up my messes, yelling at me to calm down and ge good, and occasionally telling me to go be crazy outside. I will run outside, count to thirteen, run back in and leave the back door hanging wide open (in the middle of the summer and we live in Texas).
At lunch I will complain vociferously that I hate peanut butter and honey sandwiches, even though it’s actually one of my favorite foods. I will see how many grapes I can stuff in my mouth at once and nearly choke. Then I will put one grape in my mouth at a time, and spit them out at the Geeklets. I won’t actually eat anything because I filled up on three Cheerios and dogfood earlier.
When SuperDad comes home from work I will scream “Daddy’s home!” and then completely ignore him while the Geeklets give him hugs and ask him how his day was.
I will park my butt on the sofa and watch Transformers cartoons while the Geeklets make dinner. At dinner, I will sing the Transformers theme song in between bites of rice and beans, spewing slobbery bits of half-masticated food all over the table and my family.
At bed time I will scream and cry that I won’t go to bed because I didn’t get to do anything all day, and I’m not tired anyway. I will spit toothpaste at the bathroom mirror and pull the sheet off my bed as a delay tactic. The Geeklets will start praying out loud for God to help them get this done while they put the sheet back on my bed, put me in it and turn out the light. I will run around my room for two hours with the light off, tripping over toys and pillows, screaming that I broke my leg and I’m bleeding, and then pretending to be asleep when the Geeklets come to check on me.
I will finally fall asleep in the middle of my bedroom floor sometime before midnight, and the Geeklets will breathe a collective sigh of relief as they sit down to play Diablo III or Skyrim.
Sweet dreams, world!