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1) Don’t wear a tail coat, put on a top hat, and speak in a Scottish accent while inviting random strangers to tea.

2) Don’t prevent those last few lonely chocolates in the cupboard from visiting their friends in my stomach.

3) Don’t run around the house screaming, “She’s gonna blow!” when the tea kettle whistles.

4) Don’t start barking at my 3-year old when she pretends to be a kitty-cat.

5) Don’t take a picture when my 2-year old gets stuck in the toilet.

6) Don’t ask SuperDad what’s for dinner when he comes home from work.

7) Don’t tell the Geeklets that the Pillsbury Dough Boy is hiding in their bedroom closet, right before tucking them in and turning out the lights.

8) Don’t put tighty-whiteys on my 5-year old’s head and tell him it’s a superhero mask.

9) Don’t tell random kids at Walmart that the hunters shot Bambi, ground him up, and turned him into sausage.

10) Don’t put ketchup in the salad and tell everyone I cut myself while chopping the lettuce.