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Just a random selection here:

Things Kids Say

“MOM!!  You have to spank him!  He’s smiling at me!”

“I hate Mom.  Maybe Mom should run away.”  — Why, thank you, dear.  I’d love to.

“Can we fly to Asguard?” — I wish.

“You need to get yourself a girl, mate.” — Delivered in a seven year old Captain Jack Sparrow voice.

“It’s gonna blow!!” — When the tea kettle whistled.

(Bloodcurdling scream from 6 year old.)  “MOM!!  He licked my toe!!”

After being told for three hours to go to sleep, yelling:  “I love Kung Fuuuuuu!”

Things Kids Do

Take all the seat cushions off the sofa, then take a nap on sofa frame.

Climb into tree house, then scream bloody murder for Mom because of being “stuck.”

Ask for chocolate milk, then “drink” it with a spoon.  Ask for a straw, then stick straw up nose.

“Play” with cat by giving him a bath in the kiddie pool.

Beg Mom for Popsicles, finally get Popsicles, feed Popsicles to dog.

Sing “Transformers” cartoon theme song over and over for forty-five minutes before falling asleep at night.  Wake Mom and Dad up the next morning by singing “Transformers” cartoon theme song.  Sing “Transformers” cartoon theme song instead of eating breakfast . . .

Color with crayons on window.  Color with Lip Smacker on window.  Color with peanut butter on window.  Color with poop on window.

And, on that happy note . . . I’m gonna make like Porky Pig and say Th-th-th-that’s all, folks!