Food Fight

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No, not that kind of food fight.  Sorry to disappoint you.

I’ve been wrestling with food recently.  (Before you start thinking about bikini-clad females sparring in a tub of chocolate pudding, let me inform you that I used to weigh 350lbs. Food issues and me go way back.)

I did the SAD – Standard American Diet – thing.  I did the organic thing.  I did the “eat whatever is left over on my toddlers’ plates” thing, the low-carb thing, the no-carb thing, the glycemic index thing, the 1200 calories a day thing.  Over all, I eventually lost 210lbs.

I hit my long-term goal weight of 140lbs in December of 2014. I wanted to maintain my hard-won weight loss, so I joined a gym and started lifting weights, focused on eating plenty of protein, and allowed myself to relax my dieting restrictions.

It is now a year and a half later and I’ve regained 40lbs! How did this happen?!? I thought since I was lifting weights three times a week, and making regular strength gains, and making mostly healthy food choices, and trying to stay active and healthy overall, maintaining my weight would be a piece of cake. (Ha. Yeah, I just said that.)

This has so not been a piece of cake.  Not regaining more than I have has been hellishly hard work and I’m sick of it and ready for a change.  I’m also ready to fit back into my skinny jeans and being able to zipper them without using a winch.

So, I started researching, and eventually I ran into this thing called Intuitive Eating. Basically, listen to your body, eat when you are truly physically hungry, stop when you are satisfied, and if you’re not really truly physically hungry… don’t eat. Simple.  Why have I not heard about this before?

There’s problems, though.  I eat for way more reasons than just being physically hungry.

I eat to be sociable. I eat cuz it’s expected. I eat to be polite. I eat to celebrate.  I also eat because I’m angry, or sad, or frustrated, or stressed, or throwing a pity-party, or feeling fat.  How much sense does that make? None, whatsoever. And yet, it’s how I do.

How to stop this vicious self-abuse? How to convince myself that it’s OK to crave chocolate cake until the pain from not having it is all-consuming,and yet not eat it, and no I won’t die?

More importantly, why do I crave the cake that powerfully, when I obviously don’t need it?  Must fix the root problem, y’all, or the symptoms won’t go away.

Enter quantum physics.

(Stick with me here.)

Matter is made up largely of the space in between particles. The boundaries between these particles involves more space… like, so much space that if you were the size of one of those particles, the next particle over would be so far away that trying to calculate the distance would instantly obliterate you.

Within all this space is nothing– no boundaries whatsoever. We and all objects are mostly made up of space, and there’s no boundaries between the particles that make you and the particles that make the air and the objects next to you. Just more space.

The cake is made of up particles and space, too. Mostly space. Looking at things on the quantum level, there’s no boundaries between me, and the space between me and the cake, and the cake. Any boundaries we perceive are illusory. Therefore… wait for it…

I am the cake.

Just sit with that for a moment.

I am the cake.

This is a huge breakthrough. Since I am the cake, why would I need to eat it?  I already have it!  I am it. Craving gone.

There is one slight problem with this theory of oneness with cake, and that is, it’s basically impossible to feel that connected to cake all the time, and as soon as I loose the feeling of oneness with it, I want to be one with it, and all the cravings come crashing back.

Maybe this is why most Buddhist monks are so thin. It takes that much energy to stay focused on oneness with the universe!  Or, in my case, the cake.

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